By Kenny Cash and Charlie Bankroll

Current mood:


Opening week results: 6-2. We tried to tell you. We tried to let it be known. Roll with us, make some cash, strut your strut. In honor of our Conor-esque opening weekend, we’ll be giving you a couple longer shots this week (which of course, bring bigger paydays). And now, what you’ve all been waiting for.

NFL Week 2

Gronk Party HYPE

New England Patriots -7 at New Orleans Saints

These may well be two of the worst defenses in the league. After watching the Saints D on Monday night make Sam Bradford look like Tom Brady, it will be interesting to see what they can do against actual Tom Brady. This scoreboard will look like Wisconsin-Michigan State going at it in December…on the basketball court.

This game will go over by the end of the third quarter. Sit back and enjoy a style of football that would make Texas Tech jealous and get Mike Singletary to drop his pants, again.

Score Prediction: New England 45, New Orleans 28

Pick: Patriots -7, Over 56


Minnesota Vikings +6 at Pittsburgh Steelers

This supposedly high-powered offense of the Steelers has been underperforming for more than two years now, and we’re losing patience with Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin. The Steelers have been trying to tell us they aren’t as good as we want them to be, and we’re finally going to listen. The swarming Vikings D will stifle the Steelers relatively impotent attack. Bradford will go back to looking like Bradford, but still give the Viks enough to eke out a win.

Score Prediction: Minnesota 24, Pittsburgh 14

Pick: Vikings +6



Tennessee +4.5 at Florida

Despite the total lack of competent offense so far this season, if there were ever a week for Florida to get something going, it’s this one, facing a defense that allowed over 600 yards to a team that barely deserves inclusion in the ACC. Florida Head Coach and part-time toupé salesman Jim McElwain may not be the most inspiring football figure in Florida’s history, but hey, at least he could probably hit above .226 in single A minor league ball.

Score Prediction: Florida 28, Tennessee 17

Pick: Florida -4.5


LSU -7 at Mississippi State

This will be LSU’s first test of the year (AKA first major scare/loss), and until we see Head Coach and #FootballGuy Ed Orgeron win a big game, we’re not trusting the Tigers. The last three games in this second-rate rivalry have all been decided by less than five points, so we’re going with history on this one.

Score Prediction: LSU 24, Mississippi State 20

Pick: Mississippi State +7

Nothing to do with this game, and one of the coolest CFB trios ever: Sammy, Martavis, Deandre.

Clemson -3.5 at Louisville

Clemson’s offense was extremely conservative last week, but that came down to a matchup-inspired game plan. This Clemson front seven is better than last year’s, and we expect them to force Lamar Jackson to beat them by throwing the ball deep down the field, which is essentially his sole weakness as a college quarterback. Louisville’s previous game was much closer than the score, despite playing against a banged up North Carolina team. We’re taking the Tigers here in a close game.

Score prediction: Clemson 28, Louisville 21

Pick: Clemson -3.5


Kansas State -4 at Vanderbilt 

Vanderbilt Quarterback Kyle Shurmur has been impressive so far this year, and Vandy’s early pounding of Middle Tennessee shouldn’t be overlooked. Complementing Shurmur with a proven running back in Ralph Webb and Head Coach Derek Mason’s stingy defense makes them a super tough team. KSU HC Bill Snyder is a historic coach that is nearing the end of his run, and the Wildcats are simply outmatched here, talent-wise.

Score prediction: Vanderbilt 35, Kansas State 24

Pick: Vanderbilt +4


Southern Methodist +20 at Texas Christian 

SMU has improved each season over the past few years, and are coming in hot off of destroying a solid North Texas team. The Mustangs have lit up the scoreboard in their first two contests, putting up more than 50 points in both games. With likely top-25 NFL draft pick Courtland Sutton stretching the field, SMU has a dynamic scoring ability that makes this spread far too wide. Take the ‘Stangs and watch the fireworks: after all, the legendary Iron Skillet is on the line in this red-hot which-sect-of-Christianity-is-righter clash of slicked hair, vest-wearing Texans.

Score prediction: TCU 42, SMU 28

Pick: SMU +20



Here are some longer shots, if you’re feeling jussst a bit froggy. LFG.

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Money Line Parlay: Vikings over Steelers, Redskins over Rams. Payout: +550

Money Line: Wyoming over Oregon. Payout: +425


NFL: 2-0

CFB: 4-2


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